Thoughts on Reality TV

Last year I tried out for a reality TV show. I didn't even make it to a second interview. I was not upset by this, however, because the whole thing felt wrong, somewhat crooked, and I felt the casting people and producers were taking advantage of people who didn't have the sense to realize how frakked up the whole thing was. But I believed I was desperate at the time, so that's why I went. It was a mistake, but one I'm perfectly able to acknowledge. And really, I made a friend while there, so I don't consider the experience a failure at all since she's an absolute sweetie.

Anyhow, I don't watch famewhore shows like Jersey Shore or the dating shows or the ones that exploit children or people with real-life issues. I admit to watching Rock of Love, Toddlers and Tiaras, and even Tila Tequila's show long ago when I was desperate to believe I was superior. I even became fascinated with that hotel eejit's show where she was looking for a bff briefly because I was boggled that anyone really admired her and wanted to be her bff. Seriously! It blew my mind.

I enjoy competition shows that require real skills. So You Think You Can Dance is probably my favorite such vehicle. I've been a dance fan my entire life, ever since I saw The Nutcracker when I was five years old. I enjoy all genres of dance which is why SYTYCD is the perfect show for me.

I watch many other competitive shows too. Project Runway. Top Chef, Top Chef: Masters, and Top Chef: Just Desserts. The Next Food Network Star. Design Star. All-American Handyman. Iron Chef America. The Next Iron Chef. Chopped. Work of Art. Shear Genius. And even the very silly Hair Battle! While it's true some competitors are cast more for personality than ability, in general, the ones who have the skills are the ones who come out on top. I like that. It makes me happy.

Okay, I'll own up to watching America's Next Top Model too. I hate the shrieking, but find that I'm enthralled by anthropological aspects of the show. And yeah, I love looking at the photos, the clothes, and being constantly boggled by the judges' behavior and comments. And since I'm in confessional mode, I admit to watching She's Got the Look on TVLand. Oy vey! Talk about delusional! But I love it. I do. I talk back to the TV and clap my hands and boo. It's embarrassing, really.

I have friends who watch documentary shows like Ice Road Truckers, Deadliest Catch, Dirty Jobs and so on. I understand intellectually why they're fascinated by such and see the value, but I find such things stressful in a way that's too upsetting. I care too much when it's real people at risk. I far prefer documentary programming about food lore and other fluffier things. Okay, I like science shows a lot. And I admit I'll watch just about any UFO oriented program too even though they freak me out sometimes.

But as I typed above, it's the competition shows that require real skills that make me the happiest. This last season of Top Chef was a disappointment, but I'm loving Top Chef: Just Desserts' premiere season. A new season of The Next Iron Chef is starting soon and I'm all atwitter because Ming Tsai's going to be on. Really, though, they just need to make that man an Iron Chef. He's all kinds of awesome, he is.

This new season of Project Runway is like the Bizarro rendition. The general consensus among most of the fans I interact with is that the judges were high during all the runway presentations. This last week, for example, had a freaking Mrs. Roper caftan nightmare in the top three. WTF?! As someone at TWoP said, "Hey, Gretchen! Mama Cass called and she wants her dress back!" I love me some Cass Elliott, but that comment was spot on. I did laugh aloud. Yup. Sure did.

Tomorrow is the final episode of All-American Handyman on HGTV. This was a limited run series and I have been enjoying it a great deal. I love handyman and renovation shows and tend to watch several hours of such programming a week. I am partial, of course, to kitchen renovations, but I'm also into shows like Yard Crashers and House Crashers too.

And then there are the real estate shows. House Hunters and House Hunters International make me insanely happy. I love Designed to Sell too. And the comparison shows that take you across the country and show you the kinds of properties you can get for a specific amount of money. I tell you, it's amazing what you can get for a rational price if you are willing to live a bit off the beaten track. And have you seen Selling New York? It's fantastic! I hope they bring it back. One of my favorite places to poke around online is Corcoran.com. I can be happy there for hours looking at apartments and townhouses all over Manhattan and its environs. A show I miss on HGTV is If Walls Could Talk that took you into older houses and revealed the secrets homeowners discovered after moving in. I LOVE that show! I must have seen every episode at least a half dozen times, but I never once got tired of it.

So even though I'm a retired actor and a writer of fiction, I do love some reality TV. It will never replace my love for crime drama or the likes of Mad Men or Dr. Who or EUREKA or Leverage, but I don't disregard all of it. Just the worst famewhorish bits.

Now then, if we could just obliterate all those terrible housewives . . .